Aug 312012
 

In her words….

i was so excited for this date

i love the elaborate construct

“arrive here and wait for my text”

i am happy to be somebodys plaything and make decisions

so i show up and im wearing this dress without a bra (which feels pretty outrageous but probably doesnt look as ourageous as it feels)

i arrive at the appointed meeting place and my instinct is to take a seat and play a game on my phone, head down, eyes on the ground

but i fight that urge and try and stand center stage, looking up, eye contact with many, re-apply lipstick

it feels brazen (though, again, i’m pretty sure it doesnt appear that way)

i see him, do a double take. i hadnt expected to see him. i fight the uge to move toward him and stay put. he texts and says he’ll be a mintue. “be comfortable, sit down”

no, way, no thank you. its a small thing – this standing , facing the world, but i’ll keep it.

“ok start walking south. slowly”

hmm, i can do this. where are we going? a hotel, i assume. i’m terrible at the waiting, the tease, the construct. i love the idea but i have no discipline, i feel like i’ll break the 4th wall in a second, grab you by the shoulders and pull you into me. only my shyness, insecurity holds me back. actually usefull, in situations like this

“turn left”

“go into that club, sit down, order a drink”

i’ve never been here before, i guess its a strip club but it hadnt fully dawned on my when the bouncer says

“no single women, sorry. are you meeting someone? who is it? maybe i know them”

a momentary glitch. me and n, we end up at a table. i havent been to that many strip clubs in my life. maybe 6 and certainly none since i stopped drinking 17 years ago. i’m nervous. intimidated. aware that theres an alternate reality here that might be hard for me to tap into.

all the girls look the same, kinda. theyre all wearing long white dresses.

“what do i like?” “see anything you like?” i’m so not in that head, I’m the toy. but i dont get opportunities like this very often and i know i’ll be disappointed in myself if i dont grab the brass ring.

the third girl that comes over i get a dance. and its overwhelmed having tits in my face and a girl draping herself all over me, even though i know she doesnt mean a word of it. her ass doesnt do much for me, but her tits. i want them in my mouth

its fun knowing n is watching, keeps me a little bit of a toy that way, but really i just try and enjoy myself. i’d never been in a strip club and felt free like that before. wanton

i’d been with work people, with a bachlorette party and with my ex-husband – none of those enabled my inner slut.

there was another girl and then we decided to go upstairs with the first.

i tried to have a little fun making eye contact with other girls and even other men, but i’m shy and scared, lots of short glances

my third dance i realized my skirt was getting hiked higher and higher and probably sitting across from me could see my underwear, i dont think i cared.

upstairs to a room,

a conversation about drinking as the girls upsell the room. i’m a cheap date, i dont drink, but these girls arent.

i’m not sure what goes on in these rooms. n assures me i’ll be able to feel her nipple in my mouth. he also tells me her tits are fake. i’m such a tourist, sigh. of course they are.

she want to pay attention to my tits. no problem, top of my dress comes down.

but i did it shyly, ok? i’m forcefully, obstinately shy. its a defense.

she puts whipped cream on my nipples? licks it off.

the hour goes relatively quickly. i get my fill of her breasts. here’s the problem: i dont trust a thing that comes out of her mouth, whether its “i love your breasts” or a tiny moan when i bite her nipple. it takes almost till the end of the hour for me to stop caring that i dont trust it. takes me almost that long for me to start thiking of her as a toy, i dont really have enough time to figure out what i might want to do with such a toy.

i like having an extra body. i like the dynamic of three. i like that theres someone watching. i like the idea that theres a line (of some sort, even if i’m not exactly sure what that is) that we’re not supposed to cross.

she surprises my by getting excited that i’m wet, she can tell because either i’ve made a wet spot she can see on my panties or she can tell from touching the outside of my panties. my reaction to her is to be embaressed (or something)

at one point, i’m straddling n, who has been generously playing with my clit and keeping me wet

and she put her finger inside me. yikes. she’s finger fucking me. i have to turn my brain off – i’m trying to figure out what she really wants, what her motivations are. i have to go: fuck it, it feels good and go with that. so i do. and it does feel good. and i almost speak the words. i almost tell n “she has her fingers inside me” but i didnt. partly because i didnt want anyone to get into trouble and partly cause i didnt want it to stop.

just about the time i start thinking of putting my fingers in her and by thinking i mean over-thinking “am i just being polite? do i really want to?” the hour is over

perfect timing. i guess i didnt really want to

i go into the hotel room alone.

make myself come

once

twice

three times

all by text direction

and i must say, although i dont know if this was intended, but although sometimes its nice being watched, i have trouble coming and get self concious around it, so it was nice to NOT have the pressure of being watched

“wait on your knees”

no problem. i love being on my knees. gosh, it feels a little shameful even, to say this, but it feels so right. being on my knees.

and then i get to suck his cock.

which is extra fun for me, cause i know its extra fun for him.

lots of teasing, slow start

he bends me over the bed and fucks me from behind

which ifucking love and feels great

flips me over and gos down on me

with his fingers inside me

feeeels so good

i try and see if somewhere in my head, i might be ever able to come thins way

i might

but not tonight

im back on his cock

and he comes down my throat

and thats so satisfying

when did i become this slut?

i made myself come one last time in front of him before we left

and it feels just a little dirty being on publuc with him, which is fun

  One Response to “This is what I did for you”

  1. Wow, I don’t like feeling envious.

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