A couple of weeks ago, I posted about a recent trip to Le Trapeze. Today, in the comments to that post, I received the following:
hi- not much of a comment but more of a bunch of questions. cuz you’ve become my mentor overnight. helps me understand my husband somewhat. or an excuse to discover a part of me repressed for oh so long. so questions..
1. i was a virgin when i met my husband- he’s a sex addict. ive never been with anyone else. is going to the trapeze way too intense for exploring more people?
2. do you have to get naked or just watch.
3. i am pregnant. is this a turn off for people?
i apologize for using your blog to ask- but im thankful you’re around.
These are big questions. I’ve been asked each of them before. And others. And it occurs to me that perhaps a different sort of post is in order.
First, with respect to the questions: you write that your husband is “a sex addict.” I don’t know exactly what this means. In my experience, “sex addiction” is not a term of art, not a settled concept. In some instances, it means, “someone who wants more sex than I do.” In others, “Someone who thinks about sex a lot.” Still others – “Someone who has a lot of sex.” In my case? I was powerless over sex (and secrets, and deception), and my life was rendered unmanageable as a result. If you’re married to someone who’s in this last category, I wouldn’t be going to Le Trapeze with him; I’d be seeking help (and encouraging him to seek help) of some sort. Not problematizing his sexual desires per se, but rather, helping him get his life back under some semblance of manageability.
If that’s not what you mean (and I’m going to presume it’s not, that what you mean is something closer to one of the other definitions), then…
Is going to Le Trapeze “way too intense for exploring other people”? For me, for us, the answer was, “No.” My wife’s and my first experience of group sex (other than once, having sex next to another couple in our house) was Le Trapeze, and it was a great experience. (Go back and read my first post on Le Trapeze for a comprehensive description.) I’d say what is absolutely vital is that you and your husband have clear expectations of one another while you’re there, explicitly communicated before your first visit. My wife and I were clear that the only people we would actually touch on our first visit were one another. This made us both feel safe, comfortable, together. My wife was approached a couple of times, but either she, or I, or both of us simply shook our heads and/or said “No thanks.” It was a very safe place in which to watch a lot of people be very sexual together. I think it would be a terrible place to have a fight about different expectations.
A note: Le Trapeze is open Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I’ve been on a Thursday and a Saturday, and, of the two, Saturday is far preferable. There were more people, and a lot fewer… um, “paid companions,” if you know what I mean. Weekends are better.
But back to the “too intense” question: Le Trapeze is all about fucking. That’s all there is there. Well, there’s some sucking, too. But mostly fucking. If being in a sleazy place with a lot of people, some hot, most not, doing a lot of fucking is going to be too intense, then don’t go. But what makes it, I think, an ideal introduction is just that: because people are fucking, so intent on fucking, if you’re not fucking them, they pretty much leave you alone. It’s a very easy place to go be a fly on the wall, to watch lots of people, to chat just the two of you.
Your second question: “do you have to get naked or just watch?” I’m gonna assume you meant, “Do you have to get naked or can you just watch?” The answer is, yes, you have to get naked. They have a unisex locker room, and you need to strip down to a (small, thin) towel that they give you. You can cover yourself – many women do wrap it around their breasts and waists until they decide not to. And some women keep their underwear on. But the official policy is, “Nudity.”
And your third question: Yes, pregnancy is a turn-off for some people. It’s also a turn-on for some people. I certainly wouldn’t stay away because you’re pregnant. As I wrote in these posts, I was once at a sex party with an 8-month-pregnant Hasidic woman.
Thanks for being thankful. I’m thankful I’m around, too! (And, I’m glad you find my blog helpful.)