Liza wrote the other day about some problems she’s been having, both with sex and with writing. (And then, promptly, followed with a bunch of characteristically great posts, about burlesque, about gentle sex with her husband and the smell of her orgasm.) And I’ve been silent for almost a week – I’m pretty sure the longest dry spell since I began blogging. And now, I’m here, writing, but not yet, quite, writing sexy, or even, really, about sex.
Being sick, over the last seven days, I’ve not felt like writing, or even reading, about sex (or honestly, much of anything). I’m behind in pretty much everything.
And today, as I was on my way to my doctor’s office, I noticed something: I found myself thinking about sex. I was looking at women on the subway in an appreciative way. (The other day, when I was on my way to the doctor, I mustered a tweeted creep shot, but it was forced.) I was still feverish, still not 100% – still barely over 50%, I think, but some of my more accustomed sensations were returning. A few hours later, when I got home, I tackled some of the other work on which I’ve fallen so far behind with something approaching gusto, and I noticed it. I noticed that there was a feeling in me that had grown unfamiliar in recent days – call it the feeling of “N-ness.” And not just “N-ness,” but “N’s-alter-ness.” In other words, I just started feeling more like myself. And lately, what that means (among other things), is that I found myself wanting to write.
I haven’t done a lot of writing as N, today, but I trust I’m twitching back into life. I just read others’ blogs for about half an hour (including this hysterical, sadistic tale by Dumb Domme. I confess, it’s a little too far into the land of sadism to be hot to me, but I did really enjoy reading it). And as I read that, I found myself thinking about something I ponder from time to time: “Just what is the ‘neighborhood’ in which I belong on the web?” My blog is not a “sex blog,” pure and simple. There are a number of blogs (some on my blogroll) whose every post is hot. Whose posts about food are even hot. I definitely have my share of hot posts, but those are balanced by (tainted with?) posts that either are opinionated, or historical, or critical, but, in any event, not particularly hot. Some (gasp) aren’t even really about sex.
And I went and looked at my blogroll, and I saw that one of the casualties of moving to my self-hosted existence a few months ago is that I lost the large blogroll I had on blogger – all the folks I read, and really respect, who don’t just write hot, but who write smart, or funny, or edgy, or critical, but about sex. I was heavy on the “look at the great sex we have” blogs, and light on the “sex is a really interesting thing to think and write about, as well as to do” blogs.
And you know what? That latter neighborhood is the neighborhood where I want to live.
Anyway – I’m back, I’ll be writing more in coming days. See you soon.